Star News

 Hello, this is Rachell Harper, reporting on the most talked about and  exciting  story of the year so far, Amazon is Starting, "Next Second Shipping". We all know Amazon has free two day shipping, well, yesterday, someone on the Amazon team suggested, next day shipping, and that led to next second shipping. How it works is, you buy something, hit confirm order, and then in one second, you'll hear a knock or a ding dong! and you're package will be there. How will Amazon do it so fast and keep up with all the orders?  Let's talk to a worker now, and see if they'll tell us their secret. Hey, this worker over here looks incompetent, let's ask them. "My name is Bob." The worker says in a southernly accent. "And sure! Of course I can tell ya. We're gonna track our shoppers! We see what they are ordering, and as soon as they click the, "order" button, we rush to start the delivery process, we sent out the what they ordered to the nea...

  This is Don Johnson, I reported on the Fish Protest in Anger, Claiming They can be in the Police Force Too story, well the chief  was having a debate with the fish, and the fish just got roasted!  So, we all know the fish want in on the police force action, if you missed that article, please see this  https://punchinpineapples.blogspot.com/2019/08/fish-protest-in-anger-claiming-they-can.html So, yes, the fish were having a debate with the chief, and they let me in to report on it, here's what happened: Jerry, the gold fish says. "We demand to be let in, we will work as hard as any dog!" The chief looks at him skeptically. "You are a bit on the small side, and how are you gonna chase after the criminals?" Jerry snorts. "We'll swim of course!" The chief raises his eyebrows. "Mmm, yes. One problem." Jerry glared at the chief. "What?" he snaps. The chief starts to chuckle. "Most of the criminals with be on land!" Jerry l...

This is Dora Williams , reporting on the news story,    The Cost of Pens is Decreasing Dramatically. Recently, the cost of pen have gone down a ton, I'm here at my local Walmart, let's see what the employees have to say. "People just don't write stuff down like they used to." a 98 year old man named Parker working at Walmart in the pen department sobs. "back in the olden day, people would pay 10 dollars for one pen, now they're 25 cents, and nobody wants them! It's all the fault of those new-fangled computers, you don't need to write a note or anything, just type it out!" At this point my pen had run out of ink. "Shoot!" I said. "My pen ran out of ink!" Parker perked up. "Ran out of ink!?" suddenly, he pulls out at least 60 pens out of his pockets. "Buy a pen! BUY A PEN!!! HEY EVERYBODY!! THIS NICE YOUNG LADY'S PEN HAS RUN OUT OF INK!!!" At this point I was being attacked by Walmart workers working ...

 This is Tom Jefferson, (no relation) reporting on the brand new news story, The Community is Protesting on Getting Laser Pointers for your Cat. So, why is everyone so upset with laser pointers? "It's obvious!" One man sheiks after we ask him this question. "They trick the cats into thinking there is something, and then there's nothing they can get at! it's much more humane to give them real toys, like live rats." Hmm. interesting, let's see what cats have to say. This cat doesn't seem to care. She just wants food. "It's even crueler to put different designs on the tip!" a woman growls. "They think they're getting a mouse, when it's just a shaft of light! How inhumane!" "My cat seems to enjoy her laser pointer." I told the lady. "She thinks she does." the woman hisses. "But she is being deceived! By her own owner! You are cruel and viscous to your cat! I'm calling the animal rescue shel...